On attachment and other such things

One of the difficult parts of adoption is bonding. Imagine if you lived with a group of people your entire life, going to one person for food, another for comfort, and another yet for help. You learn to charm all of these people so that your needs are always met with a smile from whomever you asked. In a nutshell, that is the life of an orphan. Chloe had a steady stream of caretakers. Although she always lived in the same Luohe orphanage, she was moved between rooms (and thus caretakers) a number of times. When we first met Chloe she was a very outgoing child, with no fear of strangers at all. She came to us without complaint, we were just another set of caregivers to her. While in China, Sean and I watched her happily running between the families, sharing items she collected with them as she went. When we arrived home she was quite content to let our family give her hugs and love on her. Now, one month home, we are starting to see her attachments become more firm. When we go to church she clings to me as I hold her, turning away if someone asks to hold her. If we are visiting family, she will hug them goodbye, but quickly ask to be put down to run to Mommy's arms. I am so thankful to see her make these steps towards us. She is learning that we are the people that will take care of ALL her needs, the ones who will love her unconditionally. Forever.

Why is attachment so important? Well for one, we want Chloe to know that not everyone is safe. Just as we all teach our children 'stranger danger' we must instill in Chloe that she can not trust every person she meets. We also want her to understand what family means. Chloe was loved and nurtured in her orphanage, but no orphanage can take the place of a family. She must form an attachment to us in order to willingly receive the love and care we are offering. She must learn that Mommy and Daddy are the ones that will provide all her needs. Not Nana, Poppa, Uncle, or random stranger she meets at Publix. Thankfully, we are moving daily in the right direction. We certainly don't have all the answers to make sense of this crazy dance called attachment, but we are glad to see progress.

On to other news... We took the kids to SeaWorld over the weekend for a few hours (perks of being passholders). Before adopting I lamented the fact that our passes would likely not be used for months after we got home, little did I know the little Spitfire we were going to be bringing home! Chloe is unafraid to be in new places, in fact I would say she thrives in new environments, soaking up everything she comes into contact with. We got to catch a few shows and see some of the animals up close. Chloe loved it all. Noah, Ben, and Teagan were glad to show Chloe all the sights and sounds and were happy to see two new shows as well.

Lastly, Chloe has given us another scare and we will be heading to the GI specialist in the morning. She just isn't eating like she should be. Prayers are always appreciated, I am at a loss as to what to do with a child that won't eat. Our other three children have always eaten whatever is placed in front of them.

She loves to swing, this picture cracks me up

This relationship has surprised me the most. And I LOVE it. Noah is an awesome big brother.

SeaWorld, 10 p.m., still going strong. Dancing her way towards the exit.

1 month update

Chloe as now been an American citizen for a month! That is crazy. On one hand it feels as though she has been apart of our family since birth, and yet sometimes it seems we still have a long way before we gain her trust completely.

The adjustment to a family of 6 has been really easy and natural in many ways. Chloe loves the chaos of having siblings. She eats up all the attention that is given to her, and there is never a shortage of people to entertain her. Today she had some one on one time with Ben while Teagan and Noah attended VBS, and they were both in heaven. I love seeing these relationships form. 

She is still working out what it means to have two parents. People that love her unconditionally and will never abandon her. Both Sean and I have returned to work, and although our schedules allow us to always have someone home with the kids, it has been tough on Chloe. The days that Sean is home and I work have been difficult. She has a hard time in the morning, following me around to be sure I don't disappear. And when I do have to leave she makes it clear that she is not impressed. Once Sean gets her calm, she is happy and will carry on as usual enjoying her time with Baba. This is totally normal, and yet so difficult. When I see it through Chloe's eyes my heart breaks. She has been through so much in her two short years, and she has clung to us during some huge life changes. She's an amazing, resilient, little girl. 

Lots of people have asked me how she is doing: Is she talking? Does she know her name? Does she understand what you are saying to her? How do you communicate with her?

Here are some answers:

Chloe does talk although most of it is still babbling as she learns a new language. Some words she does use: Mama, Baba, Uh-oh, dog, Ben, on, up, off, help, more, hi, bye, night-night. What she doesn't communicate with language she makes abundantly clear with grunts, pointing, and sign language. 

Chloe has answered to her American name since week one. In fact we tried to incorporate her Chinese name for a bit at the beginning and she would never respond to it. I am not sure if there was a nick name for her at the orphanage or if she was just not used to being singled out of the group.

Chloe understands English a whole lot better than I understand Chinese. ;) She seems to have no issues understanding and following instructions, altough she is 2, so some things are ignored like any other 2 year old. 

I am continually amazed at just how perfect this little girl is. All those days of doubt and disappointment during the wait seem so frivilous now. She is worth every bit of time, effort, tears, worry, sleepless nights and more! I can't imagine life without her in it. 

Thankful

Chloe was blessed to be in one of the better orphanage settings. We knew that she had received good care, and that the nanny to child ratio was much better than others. When we went back to visit, it was clear that the nannies loved Chloe and she was very comfortable going back into their arms for a hug.

Following advice of others on an adoption group, I decided to send a memory stick with Chloe's care package that we sent after her referral. We weren't sure if it would amount to anything but had hopes that we would be able to get a few pictures of her as she grew up in China. When we received Chloe the first day we were told that they had the memory stick at the orphanage and would give it to us when we visited. Hooray! 

Words can't express what a wonderful gift this is for us, and most importantly for Chloe. Many children adopted internationally have nothing from before they were adopted. Chloe has baby pictures on up through turning two. We cherish each picture, and are so thankful that we can see how well she was loved until she was brought into her forever family.

Home!

We are home! I'm a little late in updating the blog but life has been crazy! I had forgotten how exhausting a toddler can be.
The trip home was a little longer than anticipated. We left Beijing at 6:25p.m. anticipating a 13 hour flight into D.C. However, as we made it onto the runway we were told that the plane was too heavy and would need to burn fuel in order to take off. (Cue panic attack from Rachel... a) don't we need all the fuel for our 13 HOUR flight? b) our connection is tight, we are going to miss it!!) We sat and burned fuel for at least 45 minutes at which point we are told that the control tower is not happy with the wind... Yes they want to wait for the wind to change so that we have a tail wind. So now we sit waiting for the wind to change. Eventually our pilots request to be put on another runway so that we may take off. After 2 hours of sitting on the tarmac we are finally in the air. 2 hours was our connection time so now we will most definitely be stuck in DC. I was feeling confident that the airline would take care of us and we would be on our way home before long, boy was I wrong. The airline told us that we would have to wait almost 24 hours for the next flight, and they were not going to cover the hotel... The tears came freely now, the thought of waiting one more day to see my kids was unbearable. Thankfully, we were with another family from our travel group that lived just outside of DC and they were offering insisting that we stay with them. We are so grateful for their generosity during their first night home. The time when you just want to cuddle your kids and settle back into life, they were hosting three refugees, giving up their bedroom, providing meals, and generally going out of their way for us. HUGE blessing. We enjoyed getting to know their kids, and spending time with them - they are awesome people. Chloe and Delaney, their newly adopted daughter, enjoyed hanging out and exploring the house together.
Finally, the next day we were on our way home. We arrived in Orlando around 9 p.m. and I raced down the escalator with Chloe in my arms to our sweet kiddos embrace. Chloe did so well meeting everyone, and happily went to Teagan's outstretched arms. Thus making Teagan the happiest girl in the world.
Chloe decided to scare us to death during the one of the first few nights home, resulting in a trip to the hospital. All tests came back good and after some precautionary measures were taken we were on our way home the next day. Not quite what we had in mind but thankful that she waited until we were home to need a visit to the hospital.
Chloe has done so well adjusting to life with us. It's as though she has always been a part of our family. She runs through the house with siblings following close behind. She loves the freedom of running the house, happily going from one room to another, picking up toys along the way to drop off in other rooms. She wasn't impressed that we had animals at first (2 dogs and a cat), but has become friendly with the dogs. She's still very suspicious of the cat and will cry and run to me if he comes too close.
Noah, Ben, and Teagan have also done amazing with the addition of a new family member. We have overheard playful fights over who loves Chloe more, watched real arguments over who is playing with Chloe, and seen them clamor to help with whatever Mommy might need (as it relates to Chloe, real chores not so much). Our two youngest have had some mixed emotions in relation to their youngest sister, Sophie. Ben mentioned to Sean that he wished the whole family was here (meaning Sophie), and Teagan spent the first night sobbing that she missed Sophie. I was caught off guard, my life has been so consumed with paperwork and so focused on the process that I hadn't had time to dwell on my feelings. I am thankful that the kids are open with their feelings and can share about Sophie. I am also thankful that we chose to be open regarding Sophie's life/death. It has made the grieving process for the kids much healthier.
Chloe has now been with us for almost a month. I can't believe a month has already flown by, yet it feels like she has been with us forever. I can't imagine life without her. She is amazing, and so clearly our daughter. She fits in perfectly to our crazy family.

 Chloe's initial reaction to dogs

 

 Oh wait, they aren't so bad!

 Favorite cupboard to destroy, that and where mommy keeps the recycling